War Within

I used to think that she did this to me; and then, I did it to them.

Three innocent minds battling a war within.

Saved by A Child’s Smile – 2001

I wondered through the desert, for years I felt alone.
Voices screaming inside me, voices not my own.
Red marks upon my wall, seed of fantasy found.
Listen to intently, lies try to drown.

Thoughts of hate surround me, dreams of someone’s death.

Stillness comes from day to night, avoid grasping claws.
Trapped in darkness, eraser lost
My labored steps bring thoughts to lips
heart of death, hands that willingly fall.

Silence..skin begins to thaw, searching for love and compassion
Does it exist at all?

Looking out in blindness, not knowing my own song,
crying out amongst the cold, so lost and so alone.

Awake again in iciness, shivers find me still
Walking alone in darkness not knowing another will.

Flesh comes from with in me, still haven’t found my home.
From man to woman and back again, from flat, to sea to hills
I searched for signs of tenderness yet to be fulfilled.

Drugs to keep me pacified, sex to make me feel
Money to keep me satisfied, everything else I can steal.
I’ve given up my fantasy – just can’t rock that boat –
given up the search for life – starting to give up hope.

Eyes cross a child’s path, questioning the blue.
Wondering the simpleness of being fresh and new
Where did this life come from, why do his eyes shine so
Why is he so content with me – does he not know.

I want that light that shines in him – I want that happy grin.
I want him to be proud of me – I want to be new again.
Voice begins to question, hands loosen from his neck.

Visions of a perfect love played across my mind
Ignorance and blindness make it hard to find.

I met you in a moment, singing songs of old
no longer lost in darkness, my flesh no longer cold.
The words brush across my lips, tears across my face.

I love you seems so simple now, to those who do not know…
but that day when I said I love you I knew never again would I be alone.

Eyes – 2002

The thief in the night seeps into my room…cowering in the corner
Bright red eyes soaking in the hate……moves, so slight, is he really there?
I watch him…eyes grow close and cold…shouldn’t I back away?
I lay there in slumber..light drawn from my face
He reaches…hands against my throat
Still not there…take another breath
I watch him in my wake…hovering over my breath
He watches me move…..waiting for the last light to fade.
Wondering if I’ll close my eyes…or walk away.

Take This Knife – 2001

Dripping in the mist
Off the tip of the wing
Stretch out your hand
Can you feel what I need

Close my eyes drink you in
Taste the touch sweet from within

Cupped and captured in your breath
Echoes fall from the wire
Found stretching my step
Hands caught by the fire

Close my eyes black fades gray
Morning light face turned away

Release me – let my feet touch the ground
I’m blinded – glanced away from the crown

Wipe my eyes set me free
Take this knife away from me

Dripping into the mist
off the tip of the wing
Take back your hand
It’s not what I need

I Want to See – 2001

Why do you hold on
Let me go
I can’t see you
I can’t show you – me

I’ve sipped the cup of death
Eatin’ from it’s plate
Torn apart my flesh
Silent screams of pain

Why do you take me from my prison
And guide me through the door
Bind my wrists in anger
Lash hate across my back
Leave me to my misery
Flesh fallen to the floor

Your breath calms my surroundings
Hands waiting for my touch
The blood of true confession
Tears falling from the sky

No binds upon my wrist
Loves touch against my back
Freedom is your gift
To choose my own path

Forever hold on to me
Never let me go
I want to see you
I want you to know – me

Losing My Soul 2001

Thoughts deep inside me
Eating up my soul
Rip apart my flesh
Never to know
Joy of innocence
Untainted memory
One breath taken
I can not see

Inside My Mind

Eyes haunt my night
Colors ocean wide
Dreams of silky twilight
Lock me deep inside

Let me go
I can’t take this fight
Set me free
Walk away from me tonight

Falling down the path
No where left to hide
Caught up in your breath
Trapped inside my mind

Skin Under My Hand – 2001

Will I always love you – beyond the shining days?
How far can my heart reach – how long can I stay?
Echoing inside me – longing to understand.
Reaching out to you – skin under my hand
Wrapped up beneath you – holding on to life
Fearing what I can’t be – aching to be right

Alone – 2002

Walking down the corridor
Throughout the empty halls
Seeking…
where have you gone

Silence screaming at me
Making me aware
Lost…
Why did you put me here

Let Me In – 2002

black and tainted mirror
reflection all askew
wondering through the desert
pulling up the blooms

do you see the stillness
across the raging sea
frost inside the fire
peace in agony

plots of molten metal
searing against the skin
ripping apart the flesh
let me in